August 1st

All I've been able to think about today is how I should be rushing around to get everything together for Chase's birthday party tomorrow.  He would be four.  Would he have wanted a Spiderman birthday cake or Jake and the Neverland Pirates? What would he have wanted for his birthday? A new bike? A fishing pole so he could go fishing with papaw?  A baseball glove so he could learn to throw with daddy? My brown haired green eyed little boy should be bouncing around excited about his birthday tomorrow.  This year I probably would have had his first party where we invited all of his friends.

It hurts so  much to think about it.  His birthday is almost as bad as the day he passed away.  It should be a happy day, but it feels so sad.  His birthday always brings around the "what ifs".  I get lost in everything that should have been.

I don't really have anything to say other than tomorrow I covet your prayers for my family and myself.  It's been three years, eight months, and eight days since he's been gone and my heart still aches every minute of every day.  I so look forward to that day when we will be together again.

"Homesick" by Mercy Me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now