Back to the Beginning

I've debated back and forth about where I should start.  Should I jump into the heart of things? Should I go back to my childhood and begin from there?  Should I start from the day Isaiah and I got married?  etc, etc, etc... I feel like there are so many moments in my life that have shaped and define me and made me into who I am today.  They are a part of me and explain why I have had different reactions to different things during my grieving process. I have decided to deal with these things and explain them as they come.  Right now I want to tell a happy story about two young people who met and fell in love. :)  Doesn't that sound so cliche?

I can still remember the first time I saw Isaiah.  My parents and I had just started coming to Shiloh and we decided to come to the Christmas Bash they held every year.  The Christmas Bash was a fun get together where everyone brought pot luck food and after there were several different skits and fun things.  I remember sitting there next to Brittanie Viar having a good time when a band was introduced to come play.  I looked up and there he was.  He had a blue hat on that was turned around backwards, a white t-shirt, and jeans and it was love at first sight! Well, maybe not love but I sure thought he was hott stuff!  I couldn't work up the nerve to go up and talk to him that night so I didn't, and besides I had a boyfriend at the time.  So, time went on and finally he noticed me that summer during one of our youth led services when I gave my testimony.  So, this led to this and that lead to that and thanks to my wonderful "future" sis-in-law (Darcy Patton :)) we were teaching Bible school together! Our first date was July 2, 2002, he popped the question in July of 2004 (on the beach at sunset), and we were married on December 17, 2005.

Our first kiss as a married couple!!

One of the happiest days of my life!!

We were like any young married couple. Except, I really feel like he got the short end of the stick.  He was (notice I use was in past tense :)) very neat and organized and I was a complete mess.  I am so embarrassed to say this but I didn't even know how to start the washing machine!!!  You can forget about cooking.  I had no idea what I was doing in the kitchen.  I remember one time I was frying hamburger meat and I had the eye turned up to eight, the meat was getting scorched, and Isaiah ran in and turned it down.  I was so embarrassed.  I still remember thinking, "I bet he wishes he hadn't married me. I know he has to be afraid he'll starve to death."  Needless to say, I've come a very, very long way from what I was.  I've actually become a pretty good cook. At least that's what he says. :) So, there's the way shortened version of how Isaiah and I came to be man and wife.

 By the grace of God our lives were fused together as one and we began heading down the "road of life" hand in hand.  I have been through so many mixed emotions after the death of Chase and satan has really used some of those thoughts and feelings to burden me and hold me down.  I have several times thought back to our wedding day and questioned God and wondered why he would bring us together to travel such a painful road.  I have wondered if Isaiah knew what would happen if he would have still married me, or would I have married him? Would that have saved us from this horrible heartbreak?  Satan tried to use these things to get in my mind and destroy my trust in God and my marriage.  One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 and it says, " For I know the plans I have toward you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." There it is in that one verse.  Loosing Chase was not to harm me. In fact, God plans to give me a hope and a future.  So many times when I had those horrible thoughts this verse would come to mind, and it was God telling me it's ok, I have a wonderful future for you.  You are my child.  I love you so much that I sent my one and only Son to die a horrible death upon the cross to take away your sin.  You have hope. You have a wonderful future. You will spend eternity with me in heaven and never have to say goodbye to your baby Chase again.  What wonderful promises we have in Jesus.  Thank you God for loving me.  I share those thoughts to say this.  When you are broken hearted and burdened I believe that is one of satans favorite times to throw those ugly, mean, and nasty thoughts at you.  That is the time to make sure that you have on your belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, sandals of readiness, and sword of the Spirit (God's word) because satan will try to wage a war for your mind. (Ephesians 6:10-18)  He's tried to win mine, but praise His wonderful name, I serve a almighty, wonderful, awesome God that has not left me alone and helpless.  He has armed me and protects me.